


missing pieces

by darkesthorizon



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, ENJOY IT, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, this is just pure fluff I may have gone a little overboard oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 17:51:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12304449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkesthorizon/pseuds/darkesthorizon
Summary: Phil feels lonely on Christmas.





	missing pieces

It was the night before Christmas Eve, and Phil was feeling lonely.

He had been lying awake in bed for exactly three hours and twenty-seven minutes, and he couldn't figure out why. Dejectedly, he rolled into a standing position, adjusted his glasses, and sighed.

He briefly considered pulling out his phone and filming some bits for a "Sleepless Night with Phil" video, but he shook his head instead. He wasn't in the mood to bring the energy he usually displayed in those videos. Instead, he pulled his duvet around his head, which he suddenly decided was far too brightly colored for how he felt, and trudged into the lounge.

Surely, watching a few episodes of an anime would bring him out of his slump. False. He realized as soon as he turned on the TV that every show he watched, he only watched with Dan.

Phil felt even lonelier than before.

He knew sitting in front of a blank screen with a pillow cradled in his arms probably wasn't the best way to deal with his issues, but that didn't stop him from trying.

The time on his phone read 2:53. It suddenly occurred to Phil that it was Christmas Eve. He blinked. This time of year was supposed to bring joy into people's lives, but here he was, with no hint of happiness in his body.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he heard footsteps behind him.

"What are you doing up this late?" Dan's disembodied voice broke through his thoughts.

Phil didn't bother to turn his head in Dan's direction. "Thinking."

Dan chuckled, "Not pulling a Dan and having a crisis are you?"

"No," he sighed again, "maybe, I don't know."

Dan's tone shifted immediately, "What about?" he asked, joining Phil on the sofa. He had two mugs of hot chocolate in his hands.

Phil looked at the mugs, then up at Dan quizzically.

Dan followed his eyes and muttered quietly, as though he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't, "I heard you get up."

Phil took the mug Dan was extending to him and sighed once again, "We're alone on Christmas, Dan. Doesn't that bother you?"

He could've sworn Dan looked a little hurt by that statement, and his voice was softer than usual, "We're not alone. We have each other."

"I know that, I just... I can't help but feeling like something is missing from my life, and I can't figure out what it's supposed to be."

Phil saw something he couldn't quite put his finger on pass over Dan's face. He blinked twice and decided he was delusional from lack of sleep. He set his half-empty mug down, leaned back and sunk into the sofa as far as possible, and closed his eyes. He still felt terrible and more confused than ever, but he was comforted knowing Dan was next to him.

When Dan didn't get up and leave him alone once more, Phil curled onto his side and ended up with his head in Dan's lap. He didn't move. He liked the closeness more than he knew he should. He reminded himself that this was Dan. Nothing more than his best friend. He was mostly just thankful that Dan let him stay there.

As he drifted into unconsciousness, Phil could've sworn he felt the light touch of a hand run through his hair. He relaxed into it, though he figured it was his brain's cruel way of reminding him that all he really wanted was someone to hold on Christmas.

 

"Phil! Wake up!"

To his annoyance, Phil was rudely startled out of sleep by none other than Dan Howell, who was currently shaking his shoulder excitedly and pointing out the window.

Phil lifted his head from where it, surprisingly, still rested on Dan's thigh. He was attempting to blink the sleep out of his eyes when he realized why they weren't adjusting, "What the hell, Dan? What time is it? Where are my glasses?"

Dan practically jumped up from his place on the sofa and made his way to the window. "I took them off after you fell asleep. They're on the table, you spork, where else would they be? Now hurry up and come look!"

Phil obliged, albeit reluctantly and with a hint of distress, "What are you- oh wow." He lost all of his annoyance as soon as he saw what was so interesting. Outside, London was being covered by a thin layer of white fluff. It was beautiful, even if most of the glittering not-square flakes melted as soon as they touched the ground. It was Christmas Eve, and it was snowing. Phil's spirits were lifted ever so slightly seeing Dan so giddy over this simple occurrence.

Dan didn't miss a beat, "You can practically feel the Christmas energy." He was truly glowing, and Phil felt a rush of some emotion that he craved much, much more of.

He hadn't realized he was staring until his eyes met Dan's beautiful chocolatey brown ones. Without a second thought, Phil flung himself forward and wrapped his arms around Dan's shoulders. Dan made a small sound and froze as though he were a statue. But, he didn't pull away. In fact, he brought his arms up to support Phil's torso and placed his warm hands just above the other boy's shoulder blades.

They didn't speak or move or even breathe too loudly for a few minutes. They were both too comfortable to change position or ask the other if this was even okay. Truth be told, they both wanted to stay like this forever.

It was Phil who broke the silence, "So, what should we do to get in a more festive mood?" He was still attached to Dan from the waist up at this point, but had no intention of prying Dan's arms off of him.

Dan's face turned from a soft smile to a mischievous grin in less than a second, "Christmas Baking!"

"As long as we don't film it. We both know that would be a disaster." Phil giggled.

"No filming then. Just us and 999 on speed dial."

Phil mocked a pout, "I hope not, we can't burn Santa's cookies!"

"Santa's cookies? Really Phil?"

"Shh, just go with it," he put a finger in front of Dan's mouth before a new idea sprung to his mind. "We should bake something for the reindeer, too!"

Dan looked at him incredulously, "You know that the reindeer don't actually come into people's houses, right?"

Phil threw his hands up, finally separating from Dan, and shrugged, "You never know! Even if they don't, Santa can bring whatever it is up to them!"

Dan rolled his eyes, "At this rate, we'll never get anything done."

Phil huffed in fake annoyance and raced off to the kitchen, Dan trailing closely behind him.

A couple hours later and with more flour on themselves than in the cookies, they had created some half decent chocolate chip Christmas-themed cookies.

"That actually went better than I thought it would." Dan remarked, dusting off his pajamas.

Phil scoffed, licking melted chocolate off his fingers, "I can't believe you didn't have faith in us!"

"And you did, then?"

Phil shrugged, "Well, no, but-"

"Aha! See, Lester, now I know the truth."

"Whatever, Howell, I'm going to go browse." Phil spun on his heels not quite as gracefully as he had envisioned and marched out of the kitchen.

He had just retrieved his duvet from the sofa and settled under it comfortably when he was interrupted by his bedroom door opening. Dan ambled in and joined Phil under the covers without saying a word.

"What are you doing?" Phil asked. Dan didn't barge into his room and tuck himself into his bed on a regular basis, so this situation was setting off a lot of warning bells in Phil's mind.

Dan brushed off the implication of the question and replied, "What does it look like? I'm helping you celebrate Christmas Eve the right way. Let's watch something."

Phil quickly shook his head to clear his racing mind, "Alright, how about a Christmas movie?"

"As long as it's not so cheesy that it makes me want to pull my own eyes out."

"You love cheesy movies."

"Who told you that?" Dan's voice went an octave higher like it always does when he's defensive.

"You did."

"I did not!"

"You definitely did."

"Oh, shut up and pick a movie."

Phil smiled to himself and queued up the first cheesy holiday movie he found.

As soon as Phil sunk down comfortably into his bed, Dan shifted his position just enough so that their arms were pressed together. Phil felt a strange buzzing sensation wherever Dan's skin met his. He tried to ignore it, but his mind wouldn't stop twisting and turning.

They made it fifteen minutes into the film when Phil's self control wavered and he decided he was going to do something about their situation. He moved his hand so that his fingers brushed against Dan's ever-so-slightly, and slowly rotated it so his palm was facing up. Apparently, Dan understood his invitation, because soon enough, warm fingers were being cautiously intertwined with his own. Phil pulled Dan's arm towards himself, and Dan came to rest with his back on Phil's chest. Phil felt his heart swell with a sensation he was still adjusting to. He definitely wanted more of this.

Neither of them was watching the movie. Both of them were occupied by the comfort of their hands interlocked and their bodies close.

For the second night in a row, they fell asleep in each other's arms.

 

Today was one of the rare days that Phil woke up content. He'd slept soundly, no dreams or strange occurrences that would usually cause him to wake up exhausted.

He also recognised that his body was entangled with another warm figure. Dan had stayed in his arms the entire night. Phil was elated, in more ways than one.

When Phil went to get up, Dan noticed and pulled him closer in his current half-awake state. He let out a sigh of contentment as he buried his face in Phil's chest once again.

Phil nudged the boy softly, "Dan? You awake?"

Dan let out a disgruntled sigh and mumbled something that sounded like, "Mm… 'm comfy."

"Alright, well, I'm going to get up now and I'd appreciate it if you moved-"

Dan's grip suddenly tightened as he bunched Phil's shirt in his fist, "Stay."

Phil considered getting up anyways, but seeing Dan like this did something to his brain. He liked watching the gentle rise and fall of Dan's chest atop of his own. He liked the way Dan's curls had been pushed up past his forehead in the night so that Phil could see the entirety of his features. He loved the way Dan clung to him like he was afraid of losing him. He loved those freckles, those eyelashes, that cute little nose. He loved-

"Phil?" Phil's thoughts were interrupted as Dan lifted his head and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He rolled onto his back and stretched his arms above his head, allowing Phil to drink in the sight of him. Dan yawned, humming slightly and fluttering his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again.

Phil suddenly forgot how to breathe. "Oh- um- yes, hi, good morning," he sputtered, forcing his tongue to listen to his brain.

Dan's face brightened, "It's Christmas."

Phil giggled, "It is."

"I need to give you your present!"

Phil rolled his eyes, "Can't we just stay here for a while longer?"

Dan scoffed and rolled his eyes, "I didn't say I had to give it to you right now, jeez, you really expected me to get up?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm, but there was a smirk on his face. "Gosh Phil, I thought you knew me better."

"I do!"

"Whatever, I'm going back to sleep."

Phil decided not to bring up the fact that Dan was still in his bed. He just yawned, rested his arms on Dan's back and pressed his face into Dan's mop of hair.

A couple hours passed before they disentangled themselves from each other. Somehow, their legs had tied together and gotten trapped in the sheets. It took a concerning amount of giggling and struggle to free themselves. Once they succeeded, Dan told Phil to meet him in the lounge. He then went to get dressed, seeing as they'd both been wearing the same pyjamas for two nights in a row.

Phil picked out a particularly festive jumper and made his way into the lounge. Dan was already situated in his sofa crease, wearing an equally festive jumper and browsing Tumblr.

Phil took the perfect opportunity to turn on the radio to a local station that he knew was playing themed tunes. He grinned as soon as he heard what song was playing. He began tapping his foot and swaying a little, accompanied by some offbeat hand motions.

Phil turned away from the radio, and noticed Dan watching him curiously. He smirked mischievously and gestured for Dan to get up and join him, "Let's dance."

"To Mariah Carey? Seriously, Phil?"

"It's Christmas! Live a little, would you?"

"Fine. But if I pull some muscle I didn't know I had from this, I'm blaming you entirely."

"You always say that." Phil held out both hands and pulled Dan from his sofa crease.

With their hands still intertwined, Phil pulled Dan to the center of the room and began swinging their arms back and forth to the upbeat love song. He saw a smile start to creep into Dan's expression, and felt himself smirk when it broke into a genuine, pearly grin.

By the end of the song, they were both giggling and out of breath. Dan laughed until he bent over and seemingly fell into Phil's arms. He stopped laughing with a startled gasp and let his gaze fall on Phil's face. He straightened himself out and looped his arms around the back of Phil's neck.

Suddenly, 'White Christmas' was playing and Phil's hands were on Dan's hips and Dan looked a little lost in the melody. They swayed together in the middle of their apartment, gravitating closer and closer until they were using each other as support. Dan's head came to rest on the place between Phil's heart and his cheek, eyes closed and still swaying.

Phil looked down at Dan.

His breath caught in his throat.

The last bits of sun were shining through the window, illuminating Dan's face in the soft glow.

He couldn't deny that Dan looked beautiful. Dan was beautiful. Dan had always been beautiful.

He took a deep breath and whispered, so quietly he almost didn't hear it from his own lips, "I've finally figured out what's been missing from my life."

"And what's that then, Phil?"

"You."

"M-me? We've lived together for nearly 6 years, Phil!"

Phil shook his head fondly, "You're an idiot, Dan." He let his hands wander from Dan's hips to his chest to his shoulders to his face, and finally to the nape of his neck to gently guide their lips together.

To say the kiss was magic was an understatement. No, this kiss was the type that Phil had craved his whole life, the type of kiss that you only hear about in fantasy. This kiss was the final missing puzzle piece that you search forever for, and when you finally find it, it's the perfect fit.

Dan returned the kiss with some kind of fervency, guiding both hands to cup Phil's cheeks and pull him impossibly closer. Phil let Dan melt into him, their lips and bodies communicating emotions neither of them had ever shared with each other. Phil felt like he could burst with the exhilaration of kissing Dan. He didn't want to stop, not until Dan knew exactly what he wanted to say.

The moment Dan smiled into the kiss, Phil swore that he fell in love a little bit more. He knew Dan wasn't going anywhere, and he was damn well sure that he wasn't either.

When they finally pulled away, Dan had a stupid grin on his face, "So that's what you meant."

"Shut up." Phil mumbled, bringing Dan's deliciously pink lips back to his.

For the first time in a long time, Phil didn't feel quite so alone on Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first proper fic I've ever written! Special thanks to @softgolftechniques on tumblr for inspiring me to complete this! Thank you for sticking with me until the end, and feel free to follow me on tumblr @manateelester


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